Today (April 16th) the temperature in NYC reached 87 degrees and the forecast for tomorrow calls for another eighty degree day.
So, with this incontrovertible proof staring me right in the face I can no longer in good conscience deny that the earth is in fact warming and that Global Warming is indeed REAL!
I apologize to all of those that I’ve hurt over the years by blindly denying the obvious just for the sake of my misguided right-wing political views. I confess to being a denier and I throw myself at the mercy of the United Nations. I don’t know what I can do to make it up to those I’ve hurt, but I’m willing to do just about anything.
I’ll sweep the front of the United Nations building on First Avenue for the next ten years, and promise to throw the recyclable trash in the proper receptacles.
I’ll pay off the parking tickets of all the caring and selfless diplomats who work there.
I’ll write a personal letter of apology to Al Gore. How do you mail a letter to a private jet?
I’ll do anything to make up for my crimes against humanity and nature.
So please forgive me for being so gullible all of these years. I promise that I’ll reeducate myself as best as possible until the glorious moment when the U.N. can finally set up a system of mandatory reeducation camps for all deniers – repentant or not.
Again, I apologize. And I hope that I can one day be accepted back into society as a productive citizen that never again doubts that those above me (government, media, the cast of The View, etc.) always have my best interest at heart.